Being a mother is great. Being a mother of an adopted daughter is so great. The difference? Nothing. I visited a 5 day old baby the other day and witnessed the awe and love in the brand new parent’s eyes. They were careful in everything they did. They didn’t want to take their eyes off their new little gift. If we had instagram when my firstborn was around, trust me there would be plenty of posts. I took Jacob everywhere. He was my little buddy because I was home all day with him. So we talked and played and you bet I had a camera in his face a lot. We have photo albums to prove it. Three years later I was ready to let another little child steal my heart. It seemed natural and this little girl was immediately accepted by big brother. So much so that he affectionately called her mashed potatoes because that was his favorite food. Blaire sharpened my parenting skills since she was a rule pusher. Since she challenged me every day we loved each other in a beautiful way. My two biological kids got along great. We had a rhythm and I selfishly didn’t want to be pregnant again. Quite frankly, I didn’t know why anyone had more than two children.  I had two hands, one for each of them. With car seats, who can fit more than two kids in the back seat? I was that kid stuffed in the middle. Being baby number 5 in my family was great and I wouldn’t change it but there was an age gap and my mom had my siblings to help take care of me. I didn’t want that for my two kids. Vacations were even easy and going out to eat was manageable. There, my mind was made up. Four Clodes was perfect. I love when I can help God make choices for my life. That decision was made. 

Then Scott and I found ourselves in a position of praying a new prayer. We looked ahead and thought what our life would be like in ten years. We had experienced life making our own decisions versus God being in control and we both knew that we were not asking God in this season of our lives. So we prayed a courteous prayer of ‘let me know if we need to make any changes in our life, Lord.’ That’s how I approach God sometimes. Like I’m saying I know the answer but want to let you in on this. Wow. Painful to admit. Quite honestly that prayer turned into pleading with God to show me what to do with our future and he brought to my attention adoption in three different ways in three consecutive days. It took Him that long to break me. My first response was No! I remember pounding the floor and crying because my mother heart didn’t know how to expand this late in the game. I was 39 and ready for two teenagers. My own mother was 38 when she had me. This was getting a little ridiculous. I thought I would finally share my angst with Scott. The voice of reason. He would hear my struggle and know what to do. Now, when you ask most women who have ever wanted to adopt and brought it to their husband’s attention their reaction is highly a big fat NO. Not Scott. Just like in the movie ‘It could happen to you’ he has a ‘heart of gold’. Immediately Scott said, ‘yes, let’s do it.’ I wasn’t fully convinced but soon after a series of events that took us down the road to applying to an agency and praying for direction on where our child actually was, I couldn’t stop it. 

You know Zoe was born the year 2009. By the time we were deciding on what country to apply to she was born. I’m not sure if she ever saw her birth father but he had passed by the time she was in the system. Her mother made a very brave decision to let Zoe go to a family who could provide for her. That is a huge responsibility. I’m forever grateful. Adoption explodes a mother’s heart. Following God’s leading is always the best choice. My whole family would agree. 

I think I may have gotten off track of where I wanted to take you on my adoption journey. This blog was birthed during that process and I wrote about all the steps as I was taking them on a different blog site. However, as we celebrate adoption month I have enjoyed sharing certain pictures of my daughter before we were able to hold her. She is remarkable and the original four Clodes, and our growing family, couldn’t imagine life without her. Don’t miss out on that nudge.  God is maybe trying to get your attention to a life you have never imagined.