The Stage I’m in
Have you ever wanted to escape the stage you’re in? Duh, I guess Covid was a stage the whole world would like to have escaped. Except for the people who said ‘Heck ya, I can work in my pajamas?’ or ‘I loved having breakfast with my whole family every day for a year’.
I mean the baby stage was hard! Some new little person is waking me up day and night and I’m tired all the time. “Lord, please make them grow up quicker”. Then they talked too much and that purple dinosaur, Barney, was harshing on my 20’s vibe (Ya, I know I probably used that word incorrectly but I’m feeling kinda cool) Now, I’m more in the ‘feeling old’ stage and not liking it one bit. I’m sitting in my morning chair and my lower back aches. I want to begin my days with a run and that has gone out the window. I’m getting back to working out and feeling just a little discouraged. I’ve gained weight and my hormones are all out of whack. Yay, 50’s. I just opened Instagram to find my 23 year old daughter celebrated her birthday with her cute friends. They were all in their ripped jeans and wedges and adorable body suits. I swear I had a jacket just like Blaire’s when I was her age. In fact, I remember the cute red short set I wore on my 23rd birthday. Ever mourn an outfit? I have a closet full of clothes that don’t fit me. Add mourning to this stage of life.
If you have ever read my blogs before, you know that I’m not a fan of summer break. Weren’t the kids supposed to have summer school because of Covid? But, I have to admit sitting still for a few minutes made me realize that Zoe only has 7 more summers before she’s off to college. She has been out of school for 156 hours and I don’t hate it. Sometimes, Scott and I joke about how we would have been legit empty-nesters if Zoe hadn’t come into our lives. We also admit that we could not raise her with the wonderful, selfless, help we get from our adult children. When Zoe gets bored she can have a sleepover at big sister’s house. She will appreciate her new niece soon (Jane kinda gets all the attention) and be a great babysitter! So more emotional? Is that what I’m to expect?
I’ve been saying for a year now, in all my fifty years… All I know is that I can’t do it alone. I mean, I have friends who are ahead of me and walking right along side of me. God is my source of strength and my morning prayer begins each day for strength and wisdom. It’s all I know how to do. Today’s verse is from Psalm 31:3. ‘You are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.’
I know I will move past this stage and settle into a stronger me. I don’t love it anymore than I liked the diaper stage but my kids grew out of that pretty quickly. Oh no, I hope that stage isn’t just around the corner!