So, is anyone else living in denial? You can’t see my hand waving but I’m guilty as charged. I know there is a crazy virus sweeping the world. I know many things are canceled but I for one hate it. I don’t want to postpone my husband’s 50th birthday celebration. I don’t want to homeschool. I don’t want to workout at home anymore. Did I say I don’t want to homeschool? I might be stomping my feet right now. Look away, it’s not pretty.
If I hear ‘new normal’ one more time ….
I don’t want to watch church from home anymore. I don’t want to NOT go to a restaurant or meet for drinks with friends. Finding new recipes? I don’t want to cook! Zoom isn’t cutting it. It was fun the first time but I don’t want to view my friends the Brady Bunch way any longer!
So am I going to keep sulking? Am I going to keep complaining? Oh, trust me, my husband is praying I snap out of it, NOW!
So I woke up today at 3:30 am. Like I usually do when things are weighing heavily on my heart. Don’t you? I went straight to the computer to get on some sites my daughter has made her ‘new normal’. Education at our fingertips. How great, said sarcastically. That means I have to do extra work. I might be the last mom to ‘get on board’ and take this schooling a little more seriously. I also might be the only mom who hasn’t baked with her kid or gave her more chores. You know the looks and attitude I get when I spring on Zoe a ‘hey, guess what. I’m teaching you how to vacuum’. I don’t mind doing my own chores but if I’m honest, I’m not getting to them as I usually do because of all this at home learning. Ugh! ‘At home’ is another awful repeated phrase, right? ‘At home’ talk shows and ‘at home’ dates and ‘at home’ work for my husband. Wow, he talks a lot on the phone -eye roll. I guess that’s my ‘new normal’. Trust me, I was all on board with it at first. We sidewalk chalked hope and tried to bring some brightness to a dim situation. I was all over social media, forwarding witty memes and sharing what this family was doing to cope. I wrote letters and dropped off secret packages to friends and neighbors. It was fun. See, I like doing that stuff. I remember birthdays and have stacks of cards just waiting to be posted. But now I have to organize my day to teach Zoe. She can’t do everything on the computer. Art, nature walks, yes, even chores.
So my new mind set is, get organized. I hear the unanimous Duh, from all of you. It’s so simple. I cleared off my bulletin board of old ‘expired’ calendars and added fresh ones. I organized MY desk for Zoe’s new workspace with areas for her books and writing materials. It’s not Pinterest worthy but I know Zoe will feel better about knowing what’s going on. I read articles. Ya, I wasn’t caught up on all the great materials my very own school was providing. I know this helps with her behavior and learning experience. I just was in denial.
We celebrated Gotcha day this whole weekend. Sibling dinners and notes from friends and family. Some gifts were given to express our love. That’s my love language but I remembered Zoe’s. It’s time! I’m going to cry just writing this down. TIME! I put her to bed every night and read and pray. But last night I sang to her. I sang like I did the very first night we got her. I sing church songs and she just cuddled up and smiled. It was so cute. She told me she loves when I sing and then requested a song for tomorrow night. Guys, I know change sucks. I want my old life back. I’m just deciding not to live there anymore. It took 28 days! I have Zoe for at least 8 more years and I want to nurture our relationship. Well, this shut down has given us time. Time to reflect, time to spend wisely, time to share in whatever ways that comes naturally to you. Please share with me the good, the bad and the ugly. We are in this together.