The Bible

The Habit of Prayer

Anyone else still experiencing quarantine brain? Still moving in slow motion? Maybe it’s different all over the world. You are told you can resurface, reenter, merge into civilization, kind of. The ‘new normal’ talk is bumming me out. I don’t know about you, but did all your good habits remain?

I mean I was on a great track when it came to Heath and Fitness. We had a great meal plan and gym/run routine going until I got sick before my trip to Florida. I flew home, mocking a few people wearing masks in the airport, only to have Zoe off school the next Thursday to finding out her return was indefinite and we had to purchase a mask ourselves! What?? I still go back to when and where and how this Covid virus took over our lives and the world and feel like I was in the Twilight Zone.

But now with having bans lifted a week at a time, how are you coping?

What is your lifeline? Or should I say who? Who do you go to when a crisis hits? Who brings comfort? Who do you rely on? Has that listening ear?

Ever since I was a little girl the answer to these questions is God. I didn’t really go through a ‘questioning of my faith’ phase. I’ve most definitely gone through a ‘I’m forgetting you because life of good’ phase a few times, but more times than not, I’ve clung to my relationship with Jesus.

I’ve written before about reading the book ‘Atomic Habits’. Well I read books like these pretty slowly. I take notes. I talk about it. Then I maybe begin two other books before getting back into it. Sound familiar? With some books on my phone, on my office shelves and in my audible app I’ve got a cornucopia of amazing titles to keep my brain working. A habit I’ve been developing my whole life is starting my day reading Gods word. I change it up and sometimes follow a devotion on the You Version App. Today’s was about prayer but compared it to a very relatable subject; food.

‘The right food fuels your body and produces better results. When repeated over time, this has a compounding effect. This effect makes the results easier to see. When we get results, we begin to hunger for whatever fuels the results.’

(Creatures of habit: prayer devotion)

I’m currently in a 7 day cleanse. Since quarantine I’ve had a roller coaster of emotions as did the whole world. Many people have shared with me about the increase of baking – developing a new skill, carry out – to support local businesses, and my personal favorite, wine consumption. (hey, did anyone keep their quarantine corks?). In such a short time I lost my muscle and gained the weight back from my amazing 60 day plans I was so diligently followed pre- quarantine. My daily habits went out the window when my routine was forced into hibernation. I’m sure you all could share a similar scenario but we could all have different triggers. For me the lack of interest in home workouts was it. Mixed in with the undesirable Michigan weather (I love my state but the never ending winter with zero personal interaction with family and friends was the tipping point for me).

Whew! Have you sighed relief yet? Do it slowly. Let go of tension and now that we have great summer weather approaching breathe in some fresh air. I did that and then began my cleanse. It’s not crazy. Smoothies, salad and adding some salmon and chicken. But that’s it. It’s been great. And going back to my habit quote, this good cleansing feeling is what fuels me to stick to healthy food. Just in time to approach my big 5-0 in four days.

I love birthdays. I truly do. Blaire’s birthday kicks off birthday week in the Clode household on the 15th. Then mine and four days later Jacobs’. I digress here but this week looks a little different. Blaire is still in Texas so we will not be together on her birthday for the first time in 22 years. Gulp. And Jacob celebrates his 25th on Father’s Day while he is anticipating to become one in three short months. What. is. happening? Another twilight zone?

No. I just lived one glorious day after another and here I am turning 50! Habits in check. Growing more in love with Jesus and writing a blog for over 9 years. So prayer is what this whole blog is about (I’ve contemplated rewriting this but stay with me)

‘The best way to increase your hunger for prayer, is simply to pray more’ – (creatures of habit devotion.)

There are so many examples of Jesus praying to His Father before a big event. Before walking on water. Before performing miracles. Before His death on the Cross. You don’t have to be a bible scholar to have heard of these amazing events. I prayed before this pandemic. I prayed a lot during the pandemic and as we see a shift and dare I say, the end of the pandemic, I’m beginning each day, each conversation, each interaction with a prayer. I heard a quote this week from a priest that has since passed and after researching all the religions of the world he summed it all up by saying ‘we are in good hands’.

My prayer is that you feel His presence. You seek His presence. You know His presence. Pray for peace and begin your good habits today.

A Good Cry

So have you had one yet? You know, a good cry. That moment when you let go of the tension you have held on to for far too long. That feeling of doing everything for everyone and you are growing weary. Or maybe it’s the overload on your brain. Sad or even grim information filtrating your home via your TV, phone, Alexa scroll, every social media site. Heck, even while my daughter is on an educational site, taking the place of her conventional classroom, she is reading reminder pop ups to wash her hands often. Not knowing how to feel when we wake up is another crazy feeling. So cry it out!

I mean how many times can I hear the word ‘unprecedented’. Jokes fly around about making it a drinking game. Take a shot every time you hear that word. I’m not a drinking game kind of gal but come on, aren’t most of us on the verge to doing just that! Since this COVID-19 has hit our country we have experienced the other word we have seen all too often; Canceled (I’ve chosen to go with the American spelling of this word…look it up) In my world it came at one of our busiest weekends. A beloved International Festival at my daughter’s elementary school. Then it was her last basketball game and party. I had a cancer fundraiser canceled and dinner with friends. Then it was church and a baptism and a friend’s mother’s memorial. I mean I usually have busy weekends but that was all rolled into one. One weekend! Right around the corner for most Americans is our week of Spring Break. Oh, it’s canceled. We will just postpone it all. Another yucky word we have all had thrown into our vocabulary involuntarily. And I can go on and on. Honestly as I was saddened by ‘my loss’ I was trying to empathize with a friend losing her father to health complications and the biggest complication was just to get to visit him. Many people have loved ones in a senior home and cannot visit them. My parents are elderly but I’m so thankful we literally just experienced a relaxing week in Florida with them. I’m praying that holiday didn’t compromise their health but having the borders literally closed, so just going over to say hello in Canada for a day is not even an option now.

So we get back to how we can just make it through this day. Make this brand new Monday not just bearable but cherish-able. Well, if you recall, I’m the mom who cheers when summer vacation is over! I dance my way to school as I kiss Zoe goodbye and yell out ‘freedom’. Well, I must begin my day, as I usually like to, and that is being in God’s word. The Bible reunites me with the God I have relied on throughout my whole life. Dating, marriage, motherhood, adoption, friendship. I can’t enter into any of these things without guidance, hope and love expressed through the life of Jesus. So I call that focus.

Doing good for others is the next thing that drags me out of sadness. My word for 2020 is Serve. In a time of isolation (another word for that proverbial drinking game) we need to look out for others. We all grabbed enough toilet paper for our household but you might have ‘a square to share’ (thanks Seinfeld for that hilarious visual) Who will it be for? What neighbor needs a sidewalk visit. A love drop of cookies or a friendly note saying ‘I’m here and I care’. I’m also trying to call someone a day and I’m a big letter writer so we might as well give our amazing mail carriers something worthwhile to deliver. Something I didn’t know was missing in my day was quiet time with Zoe. Again, if you know me, you know that Zoe jumps out of bed talking and it’s always too soon for me. I have asked God to work on me. Usually we have one hour to get ready for school. This is plenty of time but it hasn’t been priority to begin with the Bible and prayer. Hopefully this unexpected halt to our usual routine will establish this habit I have neglected with her.

So how will this Monday look for you? Probably very different than your daily planner would tell you. We are working out from home, some are homeschooling, some have adult children back under one roof. The crazy ones are getting a dog. Sorry. I had to throw that in. Enjoy.

I’m done crying and now smiling.

Zoe is trying to respect my time finishing this blog but calls out from the laundry room, ‘Mom, how do I turn on the dryer?’ Confused I call back ‘Why’? Zoe: Because I want to dry my clothes’. I call out the instructions and watch my very satisfied ten year old walk back out of our laundry room and get dressed for her day. Kids are resilient and since we don’t have our TV on blasting warnings and gloom all day my daughter can adjust to her new look on life. It’s temporary right? Quarantining is strange when we don’t feel sick. I understand that we need to know the facts but I want to be in charge of when I receive it. So let’s keep our phone calls and texts light and uplifting. And when we begin to focus on ourselves and our ‘losses’ we know that most likely someone else is going through something bigger and more difficult.

Isaiah 41:13 – For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Celebrations

Maybe you’re like me and you have been going through your Facebook feed of pictures, events, and celebrations you shared throughout the year 2019. I am recalling all the good things that we celebrated this year and couldn’t be more grateful.

The profile pictures that are selfies or with loved ones. Memorable vacations or your proud parent moments. Whatever you hold dear to your heart usually becomes the highlight, the shout out, the statement of the hour, day or month. I honestly can’t come up with one perfect moment this year. The top ones are usually the ones not captured on film. Many moments this year were celebrated with James and Blaire getting married. I think the moment I cherish the most is when Blaire and I laid on her bed the day before her wedding. We just had an emotional family breakfast and her bedroom furniture was being moved out of my house and into her new house. We held hands and cried. We laughed and recalled great memories. Knowing our relationship would change was difficult but I celebrated her new life as a wife.

The ten days being shown around California by Jacob and Rachel was memorable since I wanted to love the state that claimed their second and third year of being a married couple but also knowing they were moving back to Michigan later in the year. We laughed, we swam, we tasted wine and ate great food.

The moment we surrounded Scott the night before his long awaited race in Boston can’t be captured by a camera. We presented him with a binder of letters and pictures celebrating his running career and his ultimate goal achieved in Boston! So precious as we saw tears stream down his face and I could feel the relief and pain and dedication and pride all rolled into one moment.

Celebrating both my parent’s birthdays is always precious and not taken for granted. Family weddings and welcoming new babies to our growing family. Scott and Jacob launching their new company and seeing the highs and lows of being a boss, leader, mentor. Proud moments of when Zoe steps up to be kind or when we have a good hair day. They aren’t captured on film but so important to our story of 2019. I guess I haven’t thought much about the last decade since we are turning the calendar to 2020 in one day. I have a word for the new year but a word that comes to mind for the last decade is HOPE. Scott began his crazy marathon training ten years ago!! He has run 20 marathons and not slowing down. When we decided to run for a purpose it changed our lives for sure. Not long after in 2013 we got to bring Zoe home and for a few years in a row one of us has had the privilege to visit Africa and serve the people there. Raising money for clean water has been a family mantra for sure. A drive to make our actions count. Running has definitely defined us in the ’10’s for sure.

Pain hit me in the beginning of this year and getting a procedure on my foot gave me hope. It gave me a change in attitude and later in the year made me get a handle on my health and eating habits to be the best me for 2020. This is the year Scott and I turn 50. I’ve been experiencing some pain in the same foot again and trying to stay positive. I had hopes for a half and full marathon by May and I might have to settle for just one half. Stay tuned. But, if I head into 2020 focused on just me, it will be a sad year. God has shown me through Scripture and well, obvious signs around our house, my word for 2020 is SERVE. I’m expecting I will be able to serve in areas that won’t be captured on film and hopefully go unnoticed. A friend posted this quote talking about Scott’s company. ‘To serve is beautiful, but only if it’s done with joy and a whole heart and a free mind.’ (Pearl S. Buck).

Celebrate the hurts, the struggles, the victories, the milestones and just every breath.

1 Samuel 12:24 says, ‘Fear God and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you.’

Happy New Year!

Don’t Let Go

Last night, I had the best time reminiscing with my parents. I was going to say my ‘aging’ parents but aren’t we all aging? My parents are 88 and 85 and really don’t look it. On the phone my mother can sometimes sound older but that could just be the hearing aid acting up. They drove from Canada to see my youngest act in a church performance last night and I decided it was the perfect time to get a box of old photos out. I was having trouble recalling the names of friends and relatives (some I had never met) and seized the moment. Having them sit right next to me and recalling friends in old black and white pictures was a great memory for me. I even asked my daughter to grab her phone to snap a picture of the enjoyable moment. Mom and dad would say things like ‘Oh, they died last year’ or ‘I don’t remember that picture being taken’. There was a backstory and a side story and sometimes two stories when my mom insisted dad didn’t have it right. ‘No,no,no Ken, that wasn’t her’. At one point I looked at my dad’s expression laughing with my mom. A lifetime flashing by before him, I knew he liked that I had this mix of old photos to pass along to my children. I also thought about how sad it would be if we didn’t remember these faces. I never knew my mother’s parents. They died before I was born. Recalling good times brings joy to the soul for sure. Some friends had tragic deaths and they died young. Some friends moved far away from Scotland like my parents did and began lives in the US and Canada. Some ended up at my church growing up and I remember them. Some were related to people I didn’t even know about. That sort of discovery blows my mind at how small this world can seem at times. Relationships, community, laughter. All the ingredients for a life pouring into people and how we can be influences on one another. My parents brought me up to love the Lord God, believe in Jesus and put Him as the highest importance in my life. A legacy passed down from both of their parents and even further back than that. A treasure I wish I could go back to thank my great grandparents for but for now I will keep these pictures and put names to the faces. If I don’t know, no one will be around to remember.

I have been currently reading The Story, which is a story version of the Bible. Having read through the Bible once before it’s not something that I regularly do. The language and lineage of names that are difficult to pronounce has me lost quicker than my coffee can stay warm and I find myself drifting off to my phone and Instagram. Forgive me. My faith doesn’t lie on knowing the names of those thrown into the fiery furnace or being able to name all twelve of Jacob’s sons but if I don’t visit them often in the Bible they will be forgotten and that is just sad. From a childhood of Sunday school stories, reading ‘The Story’ Bible is triggering the main event and allowing me to process the information that maybe wasn’t kid friendly to share. The Bible is called the living word, which I believe it to continue to teach and train me for life. In a similar way, I can learn and understand life from old photos of my relatives. God was very present in those days and tragedy hit. Sometimes, smiles were absent from some for very good reason. We don’t have to know all the details or gossip from every situation to know that God is still very present. He wants to teach us to love and pass along the very real purpose of raising kids and families to live for Him. With each generation comes problems, sadness and heartache. Just by knowing one another we can make a difference for the next generation. I just don’t want to allow my generation to miss out on knowing and remembering how God was and is. You know He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

My parents have changed … a lot. My father has the biggest mustache, that my mother doesn’t care for. They both have shrunk a few inches. (I wonder when that will happen to me) but recalling old times brought a smile and a laugh to both my parent’s souls that I will cherish forever. I want to read the Bible (or story version) with eyes like that. A loving God, retelling of generations He always loved, but some followed Him and some did not. Foretelling of His beloved Son, Jesus, and having Him die for you and me. I’m asking and praying for God to continue to reveal how that changes my life now in 2019 and passed down to generations to come. My word for this year was faithfulness and God has created moments to open my eyes to His faithfulness. As Christmas approaches, may you catch glimpses of love, laughter and joy and don’t let go.

Learning Contentment From a 10 year old

The email came out three minutes after the promised 4:00 pm time. One mom had already texted me their daughter’s class selection and I hadn’t received Zoe’s yet. Not anxious at all as I waited and refreshed my inbox on the computer. I didn’t want to manipulate the process. I kept my wishes between me and God and trusted He’s got Zoe’s best interest in mind.

It’s deja vu when it comes to waiting on what teacher my kids are going to get. Even though it seems like a lifetime ago that Jacob and Blaire were in this same situation, I recall relying on God’s decisions. We decided two years ago to take Zoe out of a private Christian school to be an example and light in a new neighborhood and public school. Back when I had a four year old and one year old and just moved to the USA, I wasn’t so sure about public school for my kids. Jacob was reading at the time and so eager to learn. I didn’t want to send him to school and get caught up in the ‘wasted’ time spent on getting 25 kids to sit and listen. Now of course, I’ve changed my view of what God wanted for our children. We did homeschool, and did the Christian school thing but after a few years I’m so glad we asked God where He wanted them and that was public school. We didn’t intend to shelter our kids. In the informative years, I do believe every child is different, but we developed the love of learning, controlled social media influence and grew as a family while I homeschooled for 5 years. An option arose to transition them to a small Christian school one year at a time and they flourished. Once we heard the call to public school we were scared. We cried and trusted and knew our kids were up to the task of standing out and being confident in what they believed. It wasn’t always easy and more tears were shed but they grew and it shaped and molded them to who they are today. Thank God.

Once we thought about adopting another child, I thought that meant homeschooling again and possibly go through the exact process. It worked once, why not again? Zoe is a different child. She was inquisitive and learned English so quickly. She became confident and assured of who she was so in no time at all , preschool made sense. She has always loved being around other kids and thrives off it. She’s not easily influenced but she learns from others. I also needed a break, so that was what we did.

I’ve been praying all summer for the right class for Zoe to be in. But once I found out, I began my negative thinking process as I always do. Facebook has a school page and once I logged on I began to scan all the kids NOT in Zoe’s class. I wondered why and in doing so I was really questioning God. I do believe God has Zoe’s best interest at heart. She is friendly and liked by most kids and has created special bonds with girls from her last two classes in her new school. Her appointed teacher wasn’t her first pick although a great selection. She was positive and said, ‘I’m sure I will like him’. How can I mess with that attitude? I kept my thoughts and comments to myself but still beat myself up over how I truly felt.

Praying for God’s guidance doesn’t mean I’m only happy if the outcome is how I planned it. I should recall that our move to Michigan wasn’t what I actually planned for but God has created so many amazing opportunities for our family here. Yeah God.

Adopting Zoe wasn’t in my plan but once we surrendered I can’t even imagine what our lives would be like without her. Thank you Lord. With each parenting decision we have made for our kids like school changes and neighborhood moves and church moves, I don’t want my life to play out the way I imagined it. My mind is limited and shallow and God is great and powerful and imaginative, so therefore, I need to be content in all circumstances. (Philippians 4:11) In the same chapter and verse 6 and 7 it says, (My paraphrase) don’t be anxious about anything but bring all your ‘asks’ to God and the peace of God will come over you. I can have peace that I laid this school issue at the feet of Jesus no matter what the outcome is.

Yesterday, I was reminded by a friend that the testimony of our lives is the example of our lives as we go through a series of tests. We are tested every day. Choices are before us. Do we choose what’s quick and easy or do we go for the struggle and the ‘leaning on Jesus’ choices? In my experience, the latter has the best outcomes.

Dannah Gresh says Unless we slow down in praise and humility, we forget the One who is really producing fruit and calling the shots.

So, as I prepare my daughter for fourth grade in public school I want to be full up on prayer, have open conversations with her and as they allow, I want to be active in my school and daughter’s class. I love getting to know her friends and be apart of all the fun activities as the year goes on. Whatever stage your kids are in, never give up on bringing your asks to God. So when you do, don’t be gripped by fear but filled with freedom that He’s got them.

I’m joining in my second year of a Moms In Prayer group that I’m so happy to say our school has. What a blessing to meet other prayerful moms in our district and neighborhood. Look one up for your school if you feel called to be apart of one. www.momsinprayer.org

Broken Together

He looked at me with a sincere loving look. A look I remembered from a time when we were dating. ‘Babe, I want to grow old, rocking in our chairs, next to you.’

Son of a gun, this guy always makes me cry. Not in the bad way, either. Celebrating 27 years married to Scott this May, just weeks before our daughter’s day of nuptials, and I still manage to ruin a good 5 day trip away or a simple date night. ‘We need to communicate better’ is my plight. Why do we women let things fester and build up in our minds? We have had arguments before but this one hurt him. I hated the look in his eyes. I didn’t set out to hurt. I wanted answers. I wanted him to admit I was right.

Yes, I’m going through a lot of emotions these days. I thought I could predict when I’m going to act out irrationally but no! I can’t see it coming before I begin to hurt the loved ones around me. First, it’s a snap at my 9 year old for not understanding her fractions homework, then it’s an unkind ‘teaching moment’ for my 20 year old on what goes in the dishwasher and what does not. Then it hits Scott. He’s been doing the dishes all wrong these days. I proclaim that it has been for 27 years but I like it when we have company and I get to sit with my guests and the kitchen gets cleaned. That’s just him. So I have to ask what’s my inconsistent problem? Hormones? Won’t go there. Some foot pain? Too easy. Stress? Ha! If you knew me, it’s not that. Change? Possibly. I actually don’t know the right answer. Even during an impromptu counseling session with good friends over for a home cooked steak dinner (cheaper than paying for the counseling, let me tell you.), I felt like I couldn’t quite express myself properly. It was nice to have someone else hear how we talk to each other, for a change. I’m saying a lot of words but they don’t make sense. I’m not unhappy with my marriage. I’m not going anywhere. I sometimes feel like my role in the home becomes under appreciated. That’s still not really it, though.

Funny enough our church is going through a marriage series. I didn’t think I was going to be blown away with how-to’s. The steps to take away were things we do on a regular basis. However, what hit me this past Sunday was the song they ended the service with. Also funny since I admitted in two blogs ago that I don’t love worship music in church. But this song wasn’t new. It was by a popular christian band called Casting Crowns and the song came out in 2014. I’ve never heard it before or is it that I am actually hearing it now for the first time?

The lyrics begin explaining a painful relationship. This isn’t Scott and I. But the chorus hit me.

‘Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete

Could we just be broken together

The only way we will last forever

Is to be broken together‘

I didn’t marry a perfect man. He will vouch for me and tell you I’m not perfect either. I hate when we go through times of being petty and when I stumble to put the argument into words. However, we always come back to saying we were meant for each other and we grow stronger.

I’m not sure this is anything more than trying to fix every little thing that I allow to annoy me. Here’s some free counseling advice; Don’t make a list or keep score with your spouse. I’m so glad my Heavenly Father didn’t give up on me because I was broken.

I just realized this is Valentines week! Cherish the relationships you have now and right wrongs and be humble. We are all broken people so let’s be broken together.

‘What gives our life meaning is how we are loved.’ That cheesy line is brought to you by every Hallmark movie.

‘People who are loved the way we are are loved should have lives marked by extreme thanksgiving and laughter because of the mercy and generosity of our King.’ – Because He Loves Me by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick.

Christmas Thoughts

Christmas isn’t just a day, am I right? It’s a season. The other day a young guy at the meat counter asked me if it felt like Christmas to me because he had not heard many Christmas songs on the radio this year. I thought maybe he was referring to the Spring like weather we are experiencing here in Michigan. Rainy and cloudy. No snow this Christmas. Does it feel like Christmas because you are up to your ears in wrapping paper or you find yourself yelling, ‘Don’t get it’, when the UPS man is delivering packages daily? Lots of friends have been posting their spot that makes them happy. Their Christmas tree in the quiet of the night when everyone is in bed. The quiet is a good place to be to reflect, ponder, wish. Is this Christmas?

I have enjoyed my 25 day Countdown this year. Not to be confused with my 12 day countdown of funny quips my 9 year old daughter has said this year. Zoe says funny things almost every day. I write them down and have been sharing them for the past three Christmases. No, that’s not my favorite countdown. Ever since I was newly married I have surrounded myself with devotions to dig into over the month of December. Honestly, I’m not very successful. Yes, its the craziest month of the year if you have little kids who have an elementary school event to attend twice a week or a teenager that needs a ride to a party or band practice or you have a party to bring a gift to. Did you sign up for room mom again and have to organize your kid’s Christmas party? You get the picture. I remember a book called Redeeming the Season which helps you do little meaningful tasks to remind yourself of why December 25 is so special. Have you had those moments? Hopefully when you sit in peace around your tree you aren’t too stressed to think of the crazy day you just had but instead you choose to be thankful for what you have. Hopefully when you sit in peace you are filled with love and feel useful. Hopefully you have that one moment of peace.

I’ve had that intentional moment of peace and thankfulness every morning around 6 am. Sometimes earlier. I came across a Christmas advent calendar I brought home from my visit to Hillsong Church while visiting my cousin in Sydney three years ago. I packed it away and didn’t use it until this year. Each morning I scratch off a circle that includes a Bible passage, a thought and an action for the day. The best thing about this is after I scratch off the circle I take a picture of it and text it to my cousin who is 16 hours ahead in the day because she wanted to share in the awe of Christmas too.

I have loved this moment and only (honestly) have missed one day and had to rush that reading just to get it in.

Someone complimented me the other day. He observed me hosting a dinner party for Zoe and 7 friends on Friday night to kick off their two week Christmas break. We had crafts, games and food planned and they were all hyped up on sugar. I’ve been through hosting this kind of thing before like, 7 years ago for Blaire and her friends. I have help and he asked me why I do it. He knows I’m also hosting a few family gatherings in the next five days that include sleepover guests. I said I have experience to say no to the less important things. I also have help from Blaire and Scott and I’m better at pacing myself. But now I know the answer. It isn’t because I’m an experienced mom and manage my time well. No, it’s all because I’ve started my day handing it over to Jesus. That should always be my answer because it’s true.

Some of the suggested actions this month have been;

Share an encouraging word with someone

Meditate on Gods calling on your life

Listen to someone’s dream today

Tell someone some good news today

Pray to know Jesus and his grace and truth more

Serve

How can we get through our long ‘to do’ list and complete these tasks? These are the things that count the most! That’s how. Everyday that I make God a priority is a good day.

So what if all your gifts are in bags because wrapping takes too long. Good for you.

So your baking came from a cookie walk. Awesome!

Ask your kids if they care if you don’t have Christmas crackers this year. They don’t.

So try not to run around today. Take it easy. Delegate and pray. Be still. It was a majestic and peaceful night when Jesus was born. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas!

Seasons of Life

I may have titled a blog this before but I’m in a new season so the content is different.

I’m in a season of discovery.

One of my strengths from a personality test I took a while back is discipline. I like this one. I am disciplined in my fitness regime. I’m usually disciplined with chocolate (close friends are laughing right now). I’m disciplined in my faith and always reading a book that sheds new light on God and my life. I’ve discovered I can’t possibly be disciplined in all areas of my life at the same time.

I’ve been through a running discipline (or fitness) before but this one doesn’t just fade for me. No this one comes to a halt with a trainer who moves away or I get an injury. I take a hiatus and fall off the wagon hard.

I get into a good nutrition season. I learn about how a new food has come into fashion (hello cauliflower) and that what my mother fed me is pure poison (goodbye white bread). I find new recipes, replace all my sugars (yes I have Tupperware labeled erythritol) yet I’ve been known to slip back into my old ways and go old school cooking on my family with no warning, from time to time. (Aww ham and potato casserole)

Faith – this has truly never wavered but my devotion level has gone through a season or two. If you have a baby? Oh young mother, you try. You probably are clinging to your faith and calling out short ‘rescue me’ prayers to get through the day. That’s right where God wants you. Then when you have a few years under your belt you figure you can’t screw this kid up too much so you let go a little. You realize you can take some time out for yourself so you can squeeze out some time to getting back to bible basics and seek a new word or idea for rejuvenation. Be it a thought from a flip calendar or getting through a 20 min podcast in 5 days. You go, girl.

So this brings me to my new season. I’ve been injured for 5 months. The gym is out of the question. Walking is out too. I still get up early in the morning. It’s winter and new recipes aren’t appealing. I’m in a spiritual rejuvenation period. It’s awesome. When my kids were young I would try to read a book about the Christmas story the whole month of December. This is, of course, Christ’s season, for goodness sake. Yet, I can count the years I actually remembered to read or get close to God during the season dedicated to Him! I could shame myself but He doesn’t shame me. I’ve read too many great books lately to mention. It’s been my thing to give away my favorite book of the year to my extended family but this year will be a mixture of four. Learning, journal writing, sharing with friends. I love this season. Although my exercise regime is out the window and well, I began to bake again. You can text me your ‘healthy’ baking recipes but I won’t like them. I won’t share about weight. The positive people out there will say it’s all in how you feel in your clothes is what counts. Well, let’s just say this year I’m asking Santa for a new wardrobe.

This definitely should not be a stressful season. So here are some tips from this ‘seasoned’ mom.

Use amazon! I love shopping but come dec 1st, crazies enter my stores and clog my parking lots and completely forget how to drive. Avoid! Shop online
Bake up a storm! It’s comfort and you will need comfort and joy this month. My comfort level was filled to the brim when I went to a friend’s house yesterday. We ate soup and BREAD, salad with yummy DRESSING and homemade cookies. What a delight!
Take time out for you! If that’s a 10 minute bath then fill that tub up, place kids in front of the TV on the other side of the door and close your eyes. If you’re so inclined, worship. It’s my favorite place to worship, just sayin’.

I know when I feel healthy again I will be running in the morning. I will have to be creative and carve time out for God later in the day. That is a priority. Eating the best I know how is also a priority and with a vacation on the horizon I have a motivator to wear those new clothes Santa is bringing me. (and you thought I was asking for a size up.) Also, accountability. This goes a long way. I have my daughter, my husband and some friends in my life who inspire me, push me and teach me. Ask me to be there for you if you need it.

I hope this Christmas season doesn’t get away from you. The best thing I was reminded of this morning is that it’s not from my own strength.

I will end with a quote from the book Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick.

‘Leaving nothing to our abilities, Jesus himself initiates our faith, and he’ll oversee it to its perfect completion. We’re to rely totally on him, the “one on whom (our) faith depends from beginning to end.” ‘

Merry Christmas!

Photo: taken two blocks away from my house. Christmas reminders all around me.

Look and Live

Today is a perfect morning. I slept in until about 6:30 am. It’s Zoe’s last day of second grade and it’s Blaire’s 20th birthday! No more teens in the house (for a while anyway!) This week in June is always full of emotion in our household. I’m embarking on another birthday in two days and I’m still embracing them. One more year older but another year closer to God. My perfect morning also includes Scott napping on the couch after his morning run. Blaire is up and journaling and I’m sitting in my morning reading chair with my morning devotion and my new favorite book Look and Live. With the back screen door open I can hear the birds chirping and feel a wonderful cool summer breeze. Blue skies and sunny. Just like it was the day Blaire was born.

As I sit back and reflect on the day of her birth I also fast forward to where I had hoped she would be today. Blaire and I didn’t always see eye to eye when she was growing up, but that was her finding her independence. Sometimes, us moms try to get in the way of this and push back when we are afraid of where they might be headed. It’s easy for a mom to second guess her every move and decision when her kids are growing up. When do I let go? When do I step in? When do I tell her she’s wrong? When do I sit back and watch? I remember squeezing Blaire’s hand so tight while crossing a busy street because my little Miss Independent wanted to run everywhere. Blaire has stepped out, spoken out and stood out most of her life. She has exceded way more than our expectations. Scott and I look in awe and thank God we could be apart of it. I hear parents worry about their kid’s futures all the time. What will happen when they go to high school? What will happen if we move? How will they handle college? We don’t know. That’s the beauty of it. Going through life’s milestones can be exhausting and I don’t just want to ‘go through’ life. I want to take it in. I want to enjoy it and I most definitely want to see God’s glory in everything. I can’t say enough about the book I’m reading called, ‘Look and Live’. It excites me to move from mundane and lift my eyes. Today I read, ‘ Father, your plans are better than my expectations.’ That’s my message to my kids.

When I think about my childhood it involves a lot of family. But I have been out of my parents house for 26 years now. Blaire has been engaged for 26 days and I’m counting down the days I have with her and cherish it all. Days heading to the gym, after work movies, early morning runs and lunch dates. Blaire is beautiful inside and out and now I get to help plan a big day she has dreamed about her whole life.

So summer break officially begins today. Birthdays, vacations, interacting with new and old friends. I don’t just want to entertain my kids or myself this summer. I want to encounter Jesus. Purposeful moments. Look and live.

When I am Weak

It’s a verse I overlook if everything is going great. But on a day that I feel like a failure I take notice. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says,

But he (Jesus) said to me,’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Who wants to boast about their weaknesses? I started this blog hesitantly over 5 years ago because I was entering a very helpless and unknown and downright scary journey. Adoption was never on my radar. I hate putting this in print but I didn’t want any more kids. That’s just the point. I. Me. My plan. That’s my weakness. Selfishness. Can you relate? As a mom, you give so much. When I gave birth to two kids when I basically wanted to, it was fine. My timing, my agenda. When you give your life to God you gain so much more and I grew up knowing it, saying it and memorizing it. Now was the time to live it.

April 12, 2013 was the day Scott, Blaire and I sat in a small, stuffy court room that looked more like a classroom. There were maybe 20 people in the room with agents and lawyers and the female judge sat at a desk at the front of the room. We weren’t called first but when our name was announced we moved to the first row in front of the judge. She wasn’t especially warm. I tried to listen and concentrate on every word she said but I have to admit my mind wandered to all the time it took to get to this very moment. I couldn’t let emotion take over. I had to focus on her words and concentrate. She was concerned about how we would continue to teach our child about her heritage. Again, feelings of weakness, or in this case, inadequacy rushed over me. We told her other families in our church and community have adopted. We jumped through so many hoops to get to this point. We didn’t know how this whole life change would play out. She said some more things and Scott spoke mostly. She congratulated us and we were officially parents of a three year old. The following two weeks played out with me staying in Ethiopia with my new daughter and staying in a very dear friend’s house with her family. I had a cold and was homesick and all the while trying to basically get my new daughter to like me. ‘My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Zoe remembers a lot. She remembers eating certain things in Ethiopia. She remembers games and we show her pictures to remember. I sure hope she doesn’t remember how scared I was. How weak and helpless I felt. I hope she didn’t sense the uncertainty I felt bringing her home to our family and friends.

I recently read a great quote by Jess Connolly in her book called Dance Stand Run. ‘Abundance is on the opposite side of obedience’. Read that again. Now who doesn’t want abundance? In following the call to adopt my amazing daughter Zoe we received abundantly. My biological kids will say the same thing. My family will attest to knowing Zoe is seeing God in action. Is she perfect? No, not at all. Today marks her 5th gotcha day and every year I remember a different aspect of God’s perfect story He had for us.

I’m always amazed at how God protected Zoe. You know when your mom instincts kick in? Well, I would wake up in the middle of the night scared for her. The sweating, shaking, waking up your husband, kind of scared. The whole process was put on hold. Our first court date, that came unusually quick, got postponed and we were back in the waiting game. So, seeing updates and pictures of how our daughter was progressing on the computer every month from our agent wasn’t satisfying this mama bear. I knew she was in God’s hands but I didn’t know how she was treated day to day. I would pray when she cried that the nannies would take favor over the others and really care for her. Is that wrong? That was my heart.

The weakness reared it’s ugly head again when Zoe joined our every waking hour back in Michigan. I figured I had been a mom before so I had skills. I found myself in a bit of a depression the first summer with a little girl who was so sweet but defied my every command. I coveted my free time. I coveted my morning coffee and reading time. I didn’t want to watch Mickey Mouse playhouse again and sing kid songs. Ok, I lie. I do like the kid cd’s but it was all a big adjustment for me. My daughter is inquisitive, and cheery in the morning. She likes to be in every conversation and always wants to join in family hugs. She makes us laugh and has quite honestly, given me purpose in my life again. Yes, I have weaknesses but I rejoice that I’m not struggling through my days but relying on the power of Jesus Christ. That’s the strength we have to love others. Even a child that was birthed by another wonderful human being. I have to mention that in my daughter’s birth mom’s weakness, she found strength to allow her baby to have life to the full. Thank God for adoption. Thank God for Gotcha Day and Thank God for Zoe Ayame Clode.

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